| Australian Idol |
[Oct. 14th, 2007|07:50 pm] |
So let's start with this: Ben gives me the shits. He has that really arrogant attitude that he knows better than the judges. Tarisai has the exact same attitude. They argue with the judges like the judges don't know anything about music or the music business; as though these people are trying to bring them down and not help them.
Seriously.
Ben has a really great voice. He really can sing, albeit with a very limited range. He has a very 'twink' image, which I'm sure many, many queer boys will be loving (I'm guessing they'd be his biggest fan base). But Mark and Dicko are right - he doesn't connect with his songs. He's singing them quite well technically, but he's not actually saying anything. It's a pretty, empty package.
Marty, on the other hand, looks like crap, sings every note with the exact same inflection, and actually means what he's singing. Poor bugger. He really does look like that puppet, Agro. His voice is very, very interesting, but the Aussie accent is much, much thicker when he sings - almost contrived. I almost hate that as much as I hate Aussies who sing with an American accent. And he's definitely not pop star material.
Natalie sings well, but she's kinda... boring. You know? She sang that 'They Tried to Make Me Go To Rehab' song by Amy Winehouse, and she is so obviously not someone who has ever, ever experienced anything like what that song is talking about. This week, she's doing 'My Endless Love', and she's belting it out, but she just doesn't come across as having felt like that about anyone. I think she needs to go out and get wasted a few times and screw around and fall in and out of love a bit, and then start her musical career.
You know, the judges are actually pretty spot-on most of the time. Except for Marcia. Marcia is just fucking useless. She seems to think that constructive criticism is a mean thing to provide for someone. I mean, Mark, Dicko, and even Kyle (*insert vomit noises here*) are not getting anything out of this (other than what is very probably a large paycheque) - they're trying to help. They actually have some experience in the music industry: Mark was a highly successful recording artist and is now a producer; Dicko has been a producer for aeons; and Kyle is a radio presenter and knows what plays and what doesn't. They each offer some advice from their own experience, and each of them has their own perspective on success and how to achieve it. They're pushing (or trying to push) the contestants to do their best. What more could you ask?
Which is why I hate the way that Ben and Tarisai just kinda go, 'Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatEVER.' What about, 'Hey, you're in the industry and you're taking the time to give me the advice which you feel would serve me best in my career - thank you so much, and I will take your comments on-board'?
Carl has a really cool voice and sounds kinda like his trumpet - there's a wind instrument quality to him (which, I suppose, a voice is). He, like Ben, has a limited range, which affects his ability to really punch his songs home. Or, more to the point, his voice sounds kinda strained at certain pitches. It's a shame, because I like the songs he sings - mostly swing - and I like the way he sings them. The big problem with Carl, from my point of view, is that he's in the Army. It just makes me go, 'You sound good and I like the cut of your jib, but you kill people on John Howard's orders... so... um... I don't like you.' Prejudiced? Yes. Thank you. I'm working on it.
Now, as much as it pains me to say this, I don't half mind Matt Corby. He is very easy on the eyes (although I find Carl much more attractive), and he has a beautiful voice. Most weeks he pulls off the very best performance. And he takes the judges advice and uses it: he was recently told by someone (I think it was Mark) that he wasn't connecting emotionally with his songs, and this week he sang a song that he seemed to really connect with - Another Day in Paradise by Phil Collins - its message was quite clear Matt convinced me that he at least partly believes in that message. All of this aside, I wouldn't buy one of his CDs. I probably wouldn't buy a CD of any of these contestants, actually. But I really don't go in for Matt's stuff. And I am one of 20 million Australians, a large portion of whom will buy Matt Corby's CD. Cos we all know he's going to win. It's obvious.
Oh my god, as much as Kyle has a lot of cred as far as radio presenters go, his take is soooo shallow. He seriously just told Matt that as long as he keeps melting hearts he should keep doing what he's doing. That's basically saying that he should kow tow to public opinion. Which I guess is good advice, seeing as its the public who decide who wins. Good one, Kyle. You're hired.
Tarisai sings like a fucking diva. Her voice is the best in the competition. Easy. She sings so beautifully, and she has spunk and she's good looking and she dresses well and she's defined her image as just that: The Diva. She could win it if something goes wrong for Matt along the way. I hope she doesn't, though. I used to vote for her, but the fake obsequiousness she displays when she accepts the judges' advice after her performances just turns me off. There's almost a malice to her when she says, 'Thank you' to the judges after they give her some constructive criticism. She's thinking, 'I don't agree with you and I'm going to put something nasty in your bed, but right now I'm going to smile and thank you so that the Australian public don't realise how evil I am.'
I wonder if I could get sued for defamation for saying such a thing? And will Tarisai put something nasty in my bed? Or worse? I wouldn't put it past her. She's fucking evil.
I hate Daniel. He is my least favourite of the entire year. He has the dumbest hair ever. He reminds me of the irritating music try-hards that one of my muso friends hangs out with. You know the ones: scarves, retro second-hand jackets, all-too-perfectly-unkempt hair that you just know they've spent two hours getting just right, and that look about them that says, 'I think I'm seriously hot stuff.' And hi voice isn't anything out of the ordinary. And oh my god could he please, please, please put that fucking chest hair away? I don't want to look at it any more! Please! Don't make me look at it! It's not sexy! It's hideous! Argh! My eyes! They bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed!
Every week, Daniel ends up in the bottom three, and every week I close my eyes really tightly and I wish really, really hard, and I open my eyes and they send him back to the couch. Oh, god, I wish they'd stop doing that. Australia, please, stop voting for him. He's truly, truly awful.
And he just keeps referring to himself as an artist. Now, the others might do that, but they're just using the terminology. He is one step away from putting on a beret and smoking through a cigarette holder and carrying a biography of Django Reinhardt in his back pocket. And going to Steiner. And taking his guitar to parties. And I think my head is going to explode.
pop!
So that's that. Another week. My pick for the bottom three is Marty, Daniel, and Carl. I think Carl will go. The public don't get him. It really should be Marty, or Daniel (please please please please please), but it will probably be Carl. Oh, well. He's in the Army and probably votes Liberal. |
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